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My experiment

I am making an experiment.

I am currently looking for a job to finance my ‘living the dream’ and ‘staying in the city I feel home from home’ and I figured that in order for me to be happy, really happy, which means curious, enthusiastic, brave and balanced, I need to find a job, in which I see some kind of sense. It doesn’t have to be just for the money. I’ve tried it – the “happiness trick” doesn’t work. I am ready to work at my dream job part-time or even only one day a week and finance myself with a second job, but that element of an occupation bringing personal meaning and feeling of sense is essential to me.

So I am looking for a good, meaningful and exciting occupation.

I have given it a little thought. What is good, meaningful and exciting for me?

Books are.

I’ve had this dream for some time now – to have one day a little cosy bookstore where people would like to spend some time in. Or even more ambitious – where people would forget about time. The sort of bookstore where you could have children’s workshops in the morning, poetry readings in the afternoon and a little jazz concert with big musicians in the evening. The perfect mixture of words, contrabass and a good strong cup of coffee.

I’ve given it a second thought. The dream is there and I am not going to give it up. But for somewhat obvious reasons now it’s not the time to make it true. What I can do now though is to apply for a job in a bookstore. In a bookstore that resembles my dream-bookstore.

I have started a little research on the Internet and created a spread sheet, where I will list all the bookstores, which I find appealing. I have written a cover letter. An honest one. And I have updated my CV. I am going to send out my initiative applications and hope for the best.

Today I have send my application to 4 bookstores. Tomorrow I will continue.

There is no guarantее that I will succeed but I already feel better. Because I am doing something. I have started a process. I am putting my feet on a new road and I am excited to find out where it will lead me. Maybe to some place good, meaningful and exciting.

Keep your fingers crossed, if you are a dreamer too.

And I will keep you updated.

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The Beatles Museum

“Their music changed the shape of my bedroom, it changed the shape of my head and it changed the shape of my life.” (Bono, U2)

The Beatles is my favourite band. For me it is as if their music has written the alphabet for the music I listened to growing up and which I still feel closest to my heart. I won’t exaggerate if I quote Wim Wenders and say that: “Rock ‘n Roll saved my life.”

I remember translating the lyrics of the White Album with a dictionary in our living room. It was a nice and interesting journey through the bending roads of the English language (try translating ‘Happiness is a Warm Gun’). And I like music and words that can take you to journeys. The more Magical and Mystical, the better.

I’ve visited the Beatles museum in Liverpool last weekend and couldn’t stop myself from taking a few pictures.

Especially for the most dedicated fan of the Beatles I know: my mother.

 

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August on an island

It’s my first island experience and Liverpool gave me the loveliest culture shock ever. Nothing prepared me for the friendliness, openness and warmness of the scouse people.

And never have I been called more often ‘love’ in my life. And yes, I love it.

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It has been an year.

It’s one year today since I moved out of the city, which was my home for 28 years.

I remember the day very clearly. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon in Sofia and I went out on the balcony holding my 12-year young cat boy Misho just to see the view from our fifth-floor apartment for a last time before the flight. And I started crying. I knew that this is inevitable. I was closing a page of my life for good and was about to open a brand new one. Something I wanted to do so much for two years.

With two suitcases and all the enthusiasm I am capable of, I moved to the place, which even before visiting, I knew I would want to live in one day. And this city of angels (the European one) never disappointed me. It provided me space and time, as I felt it, for whatever I wanted to do.

One year later, I am almost at the end of a masters programme, which I never planned doing. This completely emotional decision turned out to be one of the best I have ever made.

For a year I haven’t been employed full-time, which automatically makes me poorer but also lighter and more enthusiastic about all the great and meaningful things that could be done and that I could possibly do and still pay my bills. An enthusiasm I missed in my full-time job for four years.

One year later, I feel more myself than before. I dare to dream and do more (this blog is one example). I write for the first time in my life and never go out without my camera. I believe now that more things are possible then I used to.

Happiness is one of those indescribable things. But being also something very personal, I will try to describe it, as I feel it. It’s that feeling when going to bed you can’t wait to wake up the next morning to do whatever you are to do. The feeling of not knowing what is around the corner of the street but being excited to go there and see it for yourself. Happiness is a very silent and almost invisible feeling. You just feel calm. I remember feeling like this a few times last year. Being inexplicably, sincerely and silently happy.    

…

These are pictures taken from the windows of my three homes so far in my life:

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Day 1 (09.08.2013)

first thoughts and observations:

–        People say Hiya and Cheers

–        The drivers’ wheel is on the right side – everybody knows that but it is just so typical English that you almost expect it not to be true

–        The cold and hot water tap are separated; ‘Why?’ is the question you’ve been asking yourself

–        People are just unbearably nice

–        I live on a street with 19-th century houses

–        I live in a 19-th century Victorian house – almost like in a documentary about Liverpool

–        Drove with the taxi past Penny Lane (for real)

–        The airport is named after John Lennon; saw a quotation from ‘Soldier’ at the arrivals gate

–        It is August and it is cold as October in Bulgaria

–        I treated myself with the Beatles documentary series Anthology this morning; 8 episodes – figured it will be a good way to start my brand new experience here in Liverpool

–        In a few minutes I am off to the city to see how it is doing on a late Saturday morning

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23.5.2013

Оказва се, че в тази безсънна нощ, Serge Gainsbourg ме спасява. Човекът, който не познава никаква умереност – и със сигурност никаква в гениалността си.

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9.5.2013

Като Алиса не спирам да си давам съвети сама на себе си (надявам се полезни). Например: каквото чета и пиша (сега като малко попораснал студент, а и въобще) да не го правя защото ‚трябва‘, а за себе си, за да видя ‚голямата картина‘ по-ясно. С надеждата да разбера по-добре. Другото са суета и дребнавости. Така си казвам. Но дали се вслушвам.